My Baby is Two.

My sweet baby Eve turned two today.

I can't believe she's growing up.

I think a part of me just expected that she never would.

She came into my life at a time when I didn't think I could handle it. 

Tessa was still a baby, and a crazy baby at that.

But that's why they call it a surprise.

She came and so did all the worries and stresses of a fourth child.

But it was as if she knew how overwhelmed I was, and at times it felt like she was taking care of me.

She has always been a mama's girl, which is extremely unusual in this house.

Brock's the Rockstar.

The girls are his groupies.

And I'm the manager that makes everyone bathe and go to bed.

But Eve loved me.

She always wanted me.

She smiled at me, and in return I gave her anything and everything she wanted.

And tonight while I rocked her and sang "The Wheels on the Bus" over and over, 

I thought about the last two years and how glad I am that I'm not in charge.

I'm so glad that she came into my life when she did and how she did.

It hasn't been easy, ever. And it was even harder than I worried it would be.

But she has changed our family for the better.

And she has changed me.

She has taught me that love is the solution to any problem.

She has made me a better mother.

***

I am torn between wanting her to grow up and be independent and wanting her to stay tiny forever.

But it's out of my control, anyway.

Everyday she will grow- not much- not enough that I will feel less overwhelmed, but enough that soon enough she will be independent.

And someday she won't need me, but I hope she'll always love me.

And I really, really hope she'll always love me best.

Happy Birthday Sweet Baby!

You're TWO!

Love, Mama

Ten Years.

It's been pretty much forever since I've written anything here.

I blame Instagram because it's so easy to share what I'm up to with pictures.

But today I want to share some words about Brock and what he means to me.

That's really what I love about writing here... it's how I'm feeling at that moment.

So in honor of being married to my favorite guy for ten years, I'm back to the blog.

<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>

The day we got married is a bit of a blur.  It was the first temple marriage I had ever attended, so I had no idea how it actually all worked.  I drove up to the temple with my parents so that Brock wouldn't see me before the wedding- you know me and my superstitions. Turns out they don't let you into the temple without your future spouse, so my parents and I sat in the lobby and everyone looked at me sympathetically like I'd been stood up on my wedding day.  After awhile I started to worry because he was late. Then our guests started showing up and I actually started worrying that maybe I had been stood up!

Then I saw him walk in through the doors. I was so relieved that he'd shown up, but then I saw his face and realized he was freaking out. He looked like he was going to be sick.  I looked at him and looked at my parents and I think everyone sensed that he was stressed. They took us through the paper work and I kept looking at his face hoping he would smile at me, but he wouldn't even look at me.  His face looked pale and he was NOT smiling. I remember feeling sick to my stomach. I started worrying that he wasn't sure about this- maybe he didn't want to marry me! What was going on?! I wanted to cry.

We went our separate ways to get dressed. The bride's room in the Salt Lake Temple was packed. One of the Temple Workers was yelling (in a quiet voice) at me because we were late and we were making a General Authority (President Bateman) wait on us and do we know how busy General Authorities are? And I stood there looking in mirror while my mom did up my dress worrying about Brock.  At one point after his mission, he had said he wanted to get married when he was 25 and finished with school- I had thought he was just playing hard to get, but what if that's really what he wanted and he doesn't want to marry me today? My mom could tell I was upset and kept saying things like, "It's ok. It's all ok. We're not late. You look beautiful. It's all ok." And yet it didn't feel ok. I wanted to cry.

Finally we were finished and the temple worker moved on to hound some other poor bride. I was led around a corner and saw Brock. I was a bundle of nerves. I was so close to bursting into tears and ruining my professionally done makeup, but then I saw him.  And he looked so, so GOOD. I looked up at him expecting to see that worried look on his face, and he looked at me and smiled. With that one smile, everything changed. Every worry, every stress, every fear left. With that one smile, he made me feel like the most beautiful and most punctual bride in the world. He held my hand and told me I looked beautiful and I've never been so happy in my life.

The ceremony was a blur. All I remember is our family smiling at us and how I felt when I knelt across the altar from Brock. I've never felt joy like that. It felt like it was physical, somehow. Like it was pouring out of my fingers in a way. I've never felt like that before or since. I felt so close to Brock, but I also felt so close to God. It was absolutely amazing.

The rest of the day was full of love, laughter, family, and so much fun. It was not full of food and I remember being hungry the entire day and poor Brock's feet were killing him because his shoes were like three sizes too small. But he's tough and got through it and even danced at the reception with me- but his feet were probably numb at that point. :) Then it was time to leave and we hopped into the limo- we made a quick stop at the Wendy's drive-thru where we had to make a few 8 point turns to get through it and it turned out I wasn't hungry anymore because I was nervous... honeymoon nerves, you know. So Brock ordered a number 6 with fruit punch and I ordered a diet coke and we were off. 

And now it's ten years later. When I think about how young Brock and I were, it's amazing to me that we've made it. Marriage isn't easy because life isn't easy. We've been through so much, but have also been blessed more than I ever could have imagined.

When we were in Mexico on our honeymoon, I asked Brock about that morning before the wedding. I asked him what was wrong. Was he nervous? Was he having second thoughts?  I was actually nervous to ask- but what he told me made me love him and respect him so much more. It also made me realize I had a lot to learn from him. 

Brock told me that he knew this was the most important thing he would ever do in his entire life and he was taking it seriously.  He said from the moment he woke up he knew that getting married in the temple was the biggest decision he'd ever make and that it was something he wanted to thoughtfully. I was surprised because the Brock of 21 (almost 22) was a very fun loving guy, but it was just a glimpse for me of the kind of husband he would be. 

This means more to me today than ever because he has lived these last ten years this way. He treats his marriage and his family like the most important thing he's ever done or will do.  Brock is blessed with the ability to succeed at life- he's been blessed so much, but he turns it all over to his family.  He's an amazing father and I love him so much for that. 

I'm so grateful for him. I grateful for him everyday. I'm grateful that he takes his role as a husband and father so seriously. His dedication to us means so much to me. It makes me love him more now than I did the day I married him. And his smile... it still makes me everything else go away. And I feel like his beautiful bride, ten years later. 

Christmas 2012; the year I didn't take any pictures.

We had a wonderful Christmas this year, but you're just going to have to trust me on this one.

I can't actually prove it to you because I didn't take any pictures.

Zero.

So, it's a good thing we paid $20.00 for this gem at the mall, or I would be left with no memory of the 2012 holiday.

Because I can't actually depend on my memory to remember anything at all. 

That's why I take pictures.

And that's why I blog.

So, in the absence of pictures I will now describe our Christmas:

My entire family was here.

My mom and Taylor flew in a few days before anyone else got here and cleaned our house from top to bottom.  It was the cleanest this house has EVER been, ever. 

Brooke and Garrett drove the very looooong drive to get here.

My dad flew in on Saturday after a very looooooong trip from Waco.

And then we went on a Christmas Cruise to see Santa at the North Pole.

Going on the boat was very exciting.

Annie and Kate wanted to ride outside and see everything which was very cool and very cold.

The kids were thrilled when Santa said they were on the nice list, but Annie told me she knew it was because the lady with the clipboard wrote it down...

Sunday, we all went to Church at our ward together.

It was very exciting.

Monday was Christmas Eve, there was a little bit of last minute Christmas Shopping (Taylor)

and a lot of cooking.

We ate a really fantastic dinner that we all worked together on- my dad even helped by peeling the potatoes- with my mom giving him peeling instructions the entire time.

After dinner, we dressed up the kids in my scarf collection and acted out the nativity.

And then came the pinata.

I put my dad in charge of the pinata and he filled it with glow sticks, punch balloons, money and gift cards.

It was the best pinata, ever.

Then the kids opened up there new pajamas and we had a pajama dance party.

I learned that our girls are bigger fans of dance parties than most of the other members of my family.

That was code for we were awesome dancers and everyone else was party pooper.

We left some cookies for Santa and sent the kids to bed- all of them in Garrett and Brooke's room.

They are the nicest aunt and uncle, ever.

From there Christmas Eve took a turn for the worse...

We had some assemble problems.

One gift wouldn't ever recover.

And then I tweaked my back adjusting something for greater impact.

So, I couldn't walk and crawled to my bed.

Christmas Morning was chaos.

Kids opening presents. ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

I hate it when that happens.

And then we ate the most amazing breakfast.

G made Crepes and Brooke made something called Cowboy Breakfast.

It was all amazing.

And I crawled around throwing wrapping paper away, 

but don't worry it only took a few hours and then I was back on my feet.

My dad flew out that afternoon to get home for practice.

We spend the next day shopping at eating dinner at PF Chang's.

And then everyone went home.

And I was sad. I would say our house was quiet, but our kids are really loud.

It was so fun to have everyone here... it was one of my favorite Christmas's ever.

Too bad I didn't take any pictures...

Hello, Mr. Letterman.

New York was insanely fun.

The first day we were there, we got to go see the Late Show with David Letterman.

We were VIP- that's right... Very Important People.

Honestly, it had nothing to do with us...

We were with Mr. Letterman's former assistant (Coach Pope's wife, Lee Anne).

She actually was the VIP, and we were just "with her."  

Mr. Letterman himself came and talked to her after the show wearing sort of short athletic shorts, and asked her for parenting advice.

The entire thing was completely rad.

Well, except for the part that I thought I was going to see Mumford and Sons play live- and due to a scheduling conflict, it was taped earlier in the day and I wanted to cry, a little.

But then they brought out bags of Late Night t-shirts, hats and sweatshirts for everyone, 

so I got over my disappointment.

It was a great start to a great trip.

Even Brock was impressed, and he is not easily impressed.

Dear Mr. Letterman,

I'm a huge fan...

Love, Chanell

:)

Chicago

I had never been to Chicago, and it was top on my list of cities I wanted to visit list.

So when I was told I needed to go see a specialist for my knee- I thought it was lucky that he was in Chicago.

We flew in Sunday night and sat in traffic for an hour or two, but I was determined to eat pizza in Chicago- so we persevered until we arrived in downtown Chicago. The pizza was huge and so, so good.  Then we walked down Michigan Ave in the rain, and then we checked into our hotel room. The next morning Brock and I woke up and decided to walk around and explore. Since our hotel was so close to the lake, we decided to walk there.

It was FREEZING.

I have never been so cold in the sunshine in my entire life.

It is true...

Chicago=Windy City

We walked as fast as we could there and as fast as we could back- with a break for hot, hot chocolate.

And then I discovered the indoor mall, with the indoor Nordstrom's and I was much warmer.

The rest of the day was spent at my surgeons office waiting, getting x-rays, waiting, filling out millions of forms, waiting, going back to the exam room, waiting, talking to the doctor, waiting, talking to the PA, waiting, having a small anxiety attack, waiting, and talking to the Dr. again.

I hated it.

But I need it- so it is what it is.

But after all that, my dad texted me and said that there were two tickets for us for the Bulls v Celtics game that night.  Brock was so pumped. We checked out the famous Michael Jordan statue and saw all the Championship trophies. Brock liked telling people we got our tickets from D Rose... conveniently leaving out that it was actually David and not Derrick.  The game was super boring until the 4th quarter and then it was fantastic.

Brock decided that I needed a Rose #1 shirt- so we picked up a few souvenirs before we left.

We went out to eat after the game and watched it snow in Chicago.

Then we drove to our hotel by the airport and slept for about 4 hours before we had to catch our flight to New York. It was a short trip in the windy city, but fortunately/unfortunately we will be back very soon...

The Boise Temple Open House

 On the way home from Provo, we decided to take the long way so that we could take the girls to the Boise Temple.  They had just finished a massive renovation. The temple had closed while we were still living there.  I know how thrilled everyone there is to have the temple back open- no more trips to Twin Falls.

 The older girls have asked us so many times about what the temple looks like inside. We have shown them pictures, but I realized that this was the best chance we had to let them see a temple. It was totally worth it.

 The inside of the new Temple is so, so beautiful. The girls loved the Bride's Room and the sealing room (although Annie was disappointed there was no aisle- like in the Sound of Music).

 Eve was a terror the entire time and even burped the loudest burp of her life inside the chapel when it was completely silent- then my girls of course can't keep from giggling.  It was terribly embarrassing..

 But there was a moment in the sealing room where the girls wanted to look in the mirrors, and I stood there with Brock looking at our family's reflection going on and on- a lot has changed since the last time we looked in those mirrors together on our wedding day... It was definitely a powerful moment that reminded me what really matters.

 I am so grateful for the chance I have to me Brock's wife and these little girlies' mom. I feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of my role and the importance of raising these girls and keeping up with Brock and all his goodness. I just hope that somewhere in heaven there's a grade for effort. :)

It was a beautiful day at a beautiful place with teeny, tiny side of homesick.

And then it was back in the car to drive home to our new home.

There's No Place Like Home...

 It was a magical halloween.

I managed to keep everyone happy...

Annie wanted to be scary.

Kate wanted to be a queen.

And I wanted a theme...

Hello, The Wizard of Oz.

We even carved pumpkins- which is my least favorite holiday tradition.

Tessa was the most adorable "Dor-fey" I've ever seen.

But my baby Lion melted my heart.

I made her costume and she was so cute/so miserable with that hat on.

  

 And we were off- Trick-or-Treating...

Tessa was in heaven.

She couldn't believe that people kept giving her candy.

She was so surprised every time.

 Even Brock got into the spirit of things wearing stitches to work...

And of course the Tin Man!

Kate wanted nothing more than to be gorgeous and wear makeup.

Happy Halloween- it was such a fun day.

And so much work.

But I was loving the theme- especially with the big move this year.

There's nothing like holidays with our girlies.

They loved every second and every piece of candy.

It was worth all the work, and there really is no place like Home.