Unsupervised.

Tonight I found this piece of art saved in My Pictures. Annie loves playing on the computer. She has computer class at school and by the end of the year she should know more than I do.  The best part about the picture was it's title: "wdqsswqAXXZ." And I have no idea how they figured out how to save this. They must just be geniuses.
I like to give my kids creative freedom (otherwise known as I'm comatose on a couch or a bed and have no idea what they are doing). But only when Tessa is asleep. I promise when she got the black eye I was less than 2 feet from her. She is supervised, but Annie and Kate- well they might be a little unsupervised during the naps. So that's when they save all their good tricks- like art on the computer or cooking shows in the kitchen (with real food and real dishes making a real freakin' mess).
I must say I feel a bit guilty about their lack of supervision- even though they don't seem to mind it too much. It's hard being the most under-performing pregnant person to ever exist. I suck so bad at pregnancy. I try not to let it bring me down, but then I talk to those girls who say, "I love pregnancy. I feel so special and powerful. It is such an amazing thing." And I smile and nod while I think, "Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!?" (No offense intended to those of you who love pregnancy. I'm super happy for you- I promise.)
One time when I was twenty I got bone taken out of my hip and then they cut off the top of my tibia and then they put the bone from my hip in my leg and then they put a bunch of screws and nuts and bolts and 2x4's in my leg (just kidding about the 2x4's). And that was painful and hard, but I'm telling you what pregnancy is so much worse! Do I sound dramatic? Sorry, but the fact is with the bone rebuilding- there was pain- A LOT of pain- and a lot of tears, but there was also improvement. It hurt a little less everyday and then slowly the swelling and bruising went away, then a week later I was doing rehab. Improvement is good for the mind- good for the spirit. During my pregnancy- there is no improvement. There is only longevity of crappiness.
So the point for me is to stop fighting the sickness- stop fighting the crappiness. I have to stop feeling bad that I don't love pregnancy and that it doesn't make me feel special or amazing. I have to accept that for me pregnancy makes me feel inadequate and frustrated. And even if there is no improvement there is an end. And there will come a day when I won't be pregnant, but I will be a mom again. (Just don't tell me how long it is until that day is here. Brock made the mistake of saying you only have this much longer and I burst into tears. I honestly feel bad for Brock. He gets a front row seat to the longevity of crappiness. Poor guy, but I must say the fact that he stays seated through it all makes me love him a thousand times more.) I just have to persevere and then it will end. And then I will have a baby (and I'm pretty sure this will be my very last baby) and I will have done it. And then I will feel empowered and amazing because being a mom is what makes me feel special. That despite my inadequate pregnancies it somehow works out in the end and I have beautiful girls to show for it. Beautiful, unsupervised children that are practically geniuses and that's all that matters.