Funny Feelings.

So tonight was our "Back to School Feast."

(Which surprisingly turned out pretty good even though I came home from Church and felt like whipping together a batch of bean burritos. It's all about fighting through fatigue and sticking to the original plan- and delegating the mashed potatoes to Brock- super good job Brock- you are the best mashed potato maker I know- Idaho Boy.)

After dinner, Brock gave the girls a father's blessing for the new school year.

After Kate's blessing she came over to me with a very solemn expression.

I picked her up and gave her a big hug.

I told her that was a very special blessing and that mommy and daddy loved her so much.

She said, "Mom, I had a feeling."

I immediately start thinking about all those talks I've been reading about "helping children to recognize the spirit."

I said, "Kate, that feeling is the Holy Ghost."

She looked at me a little confused.

I said, "Did you have a happy feeling in your heart?"

She said, "I had a feeling in my tummy and it went up to my mouth."

Brock said, "Like a hiccup?"

Kate said, "Ya."

I said "Oh, a hiccup. Ya, that feeling is not the Holy Ghost. That's just a hiccup."

Then I laughed until I started to cry.

Speaking of crying,

Annie's big day is tomorrow.

I can't believe it.

It's crazy though, with Annie, I never know how to feel about these things.

It reminds me of when she was born. 

I honestly didn't even know what to do with her, where to put her, I didn't even know what it felt like to be a mother. I was just confused.

Tomorrow is a big day for her and a big day for me.

I have all these conflicting feelings.

I am thrilled with the idea of a bit more freedom every morning- 

that I don't have to worry about her being bored.

But then I find myself worrying if her kindergarten teacher is really, actually qualified enough to teach.

(She has her masters and taught special ed for 9 years. And this coming from the girl who "home-preschooled her kid. Like I was qualified at all for that.)

I am excited for tomorrow to come.

I know she will love it.

I know I will love it.

I am just not exactly sure how to "feel" about it all.

But I do know that Kate will feel a little sad.

She is losing her best friend all morning.

(Who is she supposed to fight with now?)

<<<>>>

See you tomorrow with some first day of school pictures.

I"m sure you can't wait.