I did it.

I hate to run.

I don't mind sprinting-

but jogging or trotting or long distance running...

hate it.

For me,

pregnancy is kind of like running

a long way

every day- for a long time-

like 9 months.

I should not complain.

I don't have any life threatening conditions for me or my baby.

I don't need hospital stays or IV's or anything like that.

I just feel miserable a lot-

and not like myself.

What gets me is the LENGTH of time I feel this way.

I think it messes with my head.

So the weeks before the delivery were very

anxious days for me.

I felt really tired- tired from the long run.

I wondered if I would be able to do it...

deliver a baby.

Brock assured me he had full confidence in me.

My mom reminded me that wimpy girls have babies all the time.

But I wasn't so sure everything was going to go well.

Plus- you have to remember I had the

crazy idea

of not getting an epidural.

You see I have no problems with modern medicine.

In fact Brock said that by not taking advantage of the advances of technology

we might be offending the pioneers.

They sacrificed a lot so that we could have epidurals.

BUT, I have bad reactions to pain medication

AND I am allergic to the tape they put on your back.

So I didn't want it, but had not ruled it out.

After starting the pitocin, the dr. broke my water.

Everything was going smoothly-

I was handling it like a champ. A REAL CHAMP.

Then it started to get really intense- not that much fun anymore.

The nurse told me if I wanted the epidural

I needed to get it right now.

I told her with tears in my eyes that

I didn't want to do this anymore.

She thought I meant natural labor and said she could call the anaesthesiologist.

I meant I didn't want to do

LABOR

anymore.

I wanted to go home.

I was tired, and did I mention it wasn't fun anymore?

Then I got tunnel vision-

I was afraid- I knew in my mind I wasn't going to die,

but it really felt like I might die.

I don't remember much about the next few minutes.

All I know is the doctor made it in time to catch my baby.

And then it was over.

Except it wasn't

because I had a beautiful baby girl.

A beautiful, LOUD baby girl.

But she was healthy and she was here.

And I did it.

I made it through something that is so hard for me.

I made it with the help of a lot of people-

but mostly Brock.

Not only did he help me through these long months-

he didn't leave me for someone who is nice and cooks and cleans.

He is a good husband.

Later that day,

I was holding Tessa and thinking about how happy I was she is here.

It's a miracle to me that something so hard

can bring about something so beautiful.

I love her so much and

I am proud of myself.

I did it.